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Monday, August 23, 2010

Hurtful Words Cannot be Taken Back

I answered the phone and could hardly understand my stepdaughter because she was crying so hard. "I guess my brother hates me. He told me I've lost the privilege of being his big sister." "What do you mean?" I asked. "Where did that comment come from?"

Because both of my stepchildren are now living on their own, I don't usually get in the middle of their relationship. But lately I'd noticed they were drifting apart and not making much effort to stay in touch. I'd told both of them that relationships are two-sided and both parties are responsible for their part. I love the adult relationships I have with my siblings and want the same for my children.

My stepdaughter went on to tell me about the conversation. Her brother had exchanged hurtful words that she took personally. It was an ugly conversation that escalated to things that should have never been said.

I had a flash back to the conversation my stepson and I had a few days prior. He asked me if I knew what today was. "No," I said, "what is it?" "It's the day my mom died." "Oh, I'm sorry," I answered. "It's been six years now, hasn't it?" "Yeah, I guess that's right."

Compound that hurt with other stresses of life, and it's easy to see how angry words can fly. But it's still not right. Those words can never be taken back.

I wanted to hug my stepdaughter and tell her how much we love her. But, unfortunately, she lives over 300 miles away. She is trying hard to live a mature, Christian life and make it on her own. She had called her brother because she knew he was coming to visit and she wanted to see him. But all she got from him was defensiveness and anger.

As our stepchildren get older, we carry less influence with them. I'm thankful my stepdaughter called today and confided in me. But addressing it with my stepson will be difficult. Young adults want to believe they have all the answers and no longer need help from their parents.

I know God can heal their hurts, if they will let him.  I will continue to HOPE (Having Optimistic Prayer Expectations).

"Only God can turn a MESS into a message, a TEST into a testimony, a TRIAL into a TRIumph, a VICTim into a VICTORY. God is Good...all the time."

Are you careful with your words? We can never take back what we say to our loved ones.

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2 Comments:

At August 24, 2010 at 11:31 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Gayla. A good reminder for all of us as stepparents.

 
At August 25, 2010 at 6:52 AM , Blogger Step Parenting with Grace said...

I'm glad it was helpful for you. Thank you for your comment.

 

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