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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Celebrating Mother's Day as a Stepmom

With Mother's Day only a few days away, you may be thinking about how your stepchildren will handle the celebration. It tends to be an awkward holiday for many stepmothers, including myself at times. We don't know whether to expect anything from our stepchildren or let the biological mom get all the attention for the day.

Personally, I believe if we've played an active role as a stepmother, we deserve some recognition. But that doesn't mean we will get it from our stepchildren. We may need to ask our spouse (the father of those children) to honor and acknowledge us on Mother's Day for the difficult role we play.

Stepfamily authority Ron Deal includes a statement from a stepmom in his article, "I Dread Mother's Day." The stepmom says, "I get all the grief of parenting, but I don't get to enjoy the pleasures associated with being a mom." As a stepmom, I've had days I feel that way too. But thankfully, it's not every day.

I've learned to enjoy Mother's Day with no expectations from my stepchildren. If they offer me a gift or choose to honor me in some way, I'm thrilled. But if they don't, I know my husband appreciates what I do and lets me know that regularly. I also believe God put these children in my life to care and nurture and I want to be obedient to His calling.

In my next post I'll talk about a free e-book that will soon be available on my website in honor of stepmoms. I hope you'll check back to find out how to get your copy.

How does your family celebrate Mother's Day? Is is meaningful day or a difficult one?

Related Posts:

More Mother's Day Thoughts

Overcoming the Pain of Rejection

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4 Comments:

At May 4, 2011 at 4:27 PM , Anonymous Sue said...

Mother's Day is definitely not my favorite holiday. My first Mother's Day experiences as a stepmom were pretty good. The kids loved me, called me Mom, made me cards and gifts, and seemed to enjoy spending the day with me.

Then? Their birth mother came back into their lives and put a stop to it. Not sure what she said to them, but judging by what occurred (or what didn't), they are not allowed to love me, call me mom, or do anything nice for me--no matter what day it is.

In the years following? I came to dread Mother's Day. My husband tried to "fix things" by wishing me a happy Mother's Day, listing all my wonderful motherly qualities, and thanking me for all the things I do for his kids ... in front of them. His comments were always met with silence on their end. Talk about awkward.

Now? We don't have any kind of Mother's Day celebration that involves the kids. My husband and I discussed it and decided that whatever we did would be just between the two of us.

Most of all? Mother's Day makes me sad because I was never able to have a biological child. A day focused on mothers, mothering, giving birth, etc. reminds me of all the experiences I will never have, the words I will never hear, the love I will never share with someone who is a part of me and my husband ....

 
At May 5, 2011 at 10:19 PM , Blogger Step Parenting with Grace said...

Sue,
I'm so sorry to hear Mother's Day is such a hard day for you. I know you are not alone. It seems it would be even harder when your stepkids were good to you at first and then it all changed. It's probably wise for you and your husband to spend it together and do something special for just the two of you. Maybe it's better to just celebrate what you have together and focus on that for the day. I hope you know that God sees what you have done for your stepchildren and will bless and honor you for your good works.

On a happier note, what's happening with your move? Hope things are progressing along nicely for you guys. I'll probably blog about our transition next week but thankfully, all is going smoothly for us.

Keep your chin up and and affirm yourself for the important role you play as a stepmother. I know you've made a difference in the lives of your stepchildren, even if they can't recognize it and don't honor you for it.

Gayla

 
At May 9, 2011 at 9:50 AM , Anonymous Sue said...

I survived another one. =)

Thanks for your kind words, Gayla. I need to remember what you said about God seeing what I've done and blessing and honoring me for it. I may never receive any recognition from my stepchildren, but that doesn't negate the love I have for them and all that I've done for them/been to them over the years.

On the house front? We had an open house this weekend, and one couple really loved the house and wants to buy it, but they'll need to sell their house first. Our realtor was heading over to look at their house when she left ours.

Glad all is going smoothly for your move. God bless you and happy belated Mother's Day to you!

Sue

 
At May 17, 2011 at 6:10 PM , Blogger StepMom13 said...

Sue, Can we be friends?? I'm a stepmom and not a biological mom and struggle with mother's day EVERY YEAR!! I don't know anyone else like you and me. Please visit my blog and leave me a comment http://newstepmom13.blogspot.com But only if you want!! I always need more friends that are stepmoms!!

 

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